Posted by Suzanne McMinn on September 20, 2008 @ 1:05 am
Chickens, In the Barnyard
Once upon a time there were eleven little chickens. They were good little chickens! They loved to peck at their food, and they especially loved it when the farmer brought them treats-slices of watermelon, leftover cornbread, and even, sometimes, dessert! They fluffed their feathers from morning till night and the roosters loved to crow.
But those good little chickens wouldn’t lay eggs.
“Eggs?” the little black hen squawked. “I don’t have time to lay eggs. I have to peck corn and fluff my feathers and prance in the sun all day.”
“I want some more watermelon,” the rooster said. “This egg thing isn’t my problem.”
“It’s not my problem, either,” said Spartacus. “Leave my hens alone or prepare to die.”
Then the farmer said, “That’s enough out of you, Sparty! This egg thing is everyone’s problem, believe you me! What do you think roosters are for? Some eggs are for my kitchen, but other eggs are for making more chickens!”
And she got out a great big book. The book had red and white checks on the outside and inside it were lots of stories.
She flipped to a page and started reading to those chickens.
“This story,” she said, “is called Chicken Fricassee. Combine one-quarter cup flour, one teaspoon paprika, one-quarter teaspoon salt, and one-quarter teaspoon pepper in a plastic bag. Skin and rinse two and a half pounds meaty chicken pieces-breasts, thighs, and drumsticks. Shake pieces two or three at a time in the bag with the flour mixture. In a 12-inch skillet, cook chicken in hot oil-”
Those little chickens ran and ran and ran into the hen house.
“We’re glad we’re not chickens,” said the ducks.
“Hold on,” said the farmer. “I’ve got a story for you!”
“It’s called Duck a l’Orange!!!”
And then all the little chickens and ducks made big plans to lay all the eggs they could, as fast as they could, and nobody mentioned Chicken Fricassee, Duck a l’Orange, or hot oil ever again.
The End.
Posted by Suzanne McMinn on September 20, 2008 @ 1:05 am
1:45
am
Thanks for the laugh as I sit here with one of my almost 4-month-old granddaughters who does not want to go to sleep!
Love your site
:) 
2:44
am
you are crackin’ me up with your chicken/rooster horror story hour.
3:49
am
Love it LOL!
6:44
am
7:29
am
Hahaha! Excellent. Thanks for the morning laugh darlin’.
7:37
am
Great way to start my morning. Loved your story for your chickens and ducks…laughed so hard I had to set my cup of coffee down before I spilled it. If this doesn’t start providing you with eggs I don’t know what will.
8:02
am
That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! Any eggs yet?
8:11
am
8:34
am
You had me laughing at the start ofs my day !
Thanks, Suzanne !!
Anne
8:36
am
Now THAT was good!!! You should really think about writing a book or something…
8:45
am
My kind of story…I just loved it! Thanks for helping me start my morning with a good laugh and a smile on my face.
The story is sure to get those hens laying!
8:47
am
Time-wise I think you’re getting close to seeing your first egg. We’re all going to have a party when that happens. Turn that storybook to the page that has the story about omelettes. HA.
- Suzanne, the Farmer’s Wife
8:56
am
LOL, that should work if anything will! Cute story.
8:57
am
I am going to go read this to my 5 non laying hen and pullets…. I have one hen who molted and has decided she liked her life of leisure… the others are taking forever. They have put all the work on one faithful little blue pullet who chugs away day after day, spitting out one and sometimes two eggs a day…
9:02
am
Better keep those pants on; it seems to be affecting your brain.
That is weird, though, especially when you have roosters.
Are the roosters, errrr, trying to perform their husbandly duties? Maybe they’re capons!
Sooz in NV
9:02
am
I predict Omletts soon!!!
9:16
am
I wonder if placing some store-bought eggs in their nests might work…or is that just a totally unpractical, non-workable idea.
9:35
am
Oh, wow, what a wonderful story! You are really playing hardball with those chickens!
And I’m sure Spice is grateful you hilited her today on the farm picture - bet she’s not running off anymore.
9:48
am
Great story Suzanne! Let us know how it ends.
xxoo
9:54
am
I can’t wait. The story was crazy. Be blessed.
9:54
am
LMAO! That’s priceless!
:J
10:00
am
I can’t stand it! Sitting here reading a nice bedtime story, and as soon as I see the ‘chicken fricassee’ title on the recipe, I laugh so loud, my cats jump about a foot off of the bed!
Very clever Suzanne….I’m waiting for the outcome!!!
Naomi
10:07
am
Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh.
Karen
10:31
am
When some of our mature chickens weren’t doing their duty I had Mike gather eggs with a hatchet in one hand. Egg production picked up quickly.
We have one March hatch Rhode Island Red, and one April hatch Golden Comet that have started laying in the past week. The eggs are so cute! The first eggs are smaller than a banty chicken’s egg. They will get larger as they get the hang of laying. To balance the egg production, all six of our Buff Orpingtons have decided to molt at once. They were some of our most reliable layers. So we are up two tiny eggs, and down six big brown eggs. And winter’s coming. Just as long as we still have enough for quiche, I’m happy.
10:40
am
10:46
am
LMBO!!
11:13
am
I don’t have eggs yet either.
What kind of rooster is Sparty? He looks just like my McIntosh, I had no idea what he was when I got him.
11:23
am
You should have at least a dozen eggs by tomorrow morning!
11:43
am
MY FRIEND IN OHIO HAD LIGHTS AND MUSIC COME ON IN THE HEN HOUSE AT 4 A.M. - BUT READING TO THEM IS A NEW WRINKLE ON THE HORN ! ! ! ! ! ! !
12:22
pm
You are so funny. What a great way to start the day. Thank you.
1:01
pm
That was so hilarious! Thanks for a graet laugh in the middle of my crazy Saturday!
1:07
pm
This is freaking classic!!!!!!!!!
how perfect are these pictures?!?!?!
totally love it!
Tresh in OK
1:39
pm
Don’t be impatient…any day now you will hear a hen cackle !! They have to announce it when they lay ! Don’t be surprised if it is not in the nest either .One of our ( stupid ) hens would lay from the roost and it would splatter on the floor..( not good ) now she lays on top of the nest…not in it …go figure ..lol Doris
1:48
pm
Just found your site and love it already. Great story. I love my chickens even with those little pea brains they have. But they better start laying soon or I’m gonna start reading….
2:48
pm
Here’s a true story for you: When we first moved to the country I ordered 50 chicks, planning on both egg production and meat for the freezer. By the time the freezer was full, the dozen or so hens we’d kept were just beautiful, big, eating their little chicken heads off, and apparently not a bit interested in egg production. After weeks of frustration, we hung a 9×12 picture of Colonel Sanders in the henhouse — and had eggs within a week.
3:12
pm
Ok this story is too scary for a children’s book but it’s cute as all get out
3:57
pm
I love it!!
4:51
pm
I don’t know how your chickens and ducks feel about the story, but I love it!
5:11
pm
6:04
pm
8:02
pm
sounds like they have found “real jobs”
8:51
pm
Go chickens go!
11:03
pm
Hahaha! I had to laugh when you started with the red and white checked cover….. *G*
12:54
am
Love it..maybe if you also get one of those awful looking, naked rubber chickens and show it to them!!
8:43
am
You crack me up! I think you are about at your cracking point…don’t know to laugh or to cry. The story is sooooo priceless.
2:11
pm
wow, and all this time I thought they just did it. Chickens laid eggs and that’s it. I hope threats work, in the meantime, I’m sure all we readers will put our thinking caps on.
3:11
pm
That was a very good story! I hope you get some eggs out of it…
3:23
pm
Well, we have 2 eggs a day from the Delightful Dozen right now, but one more hen got in the act today - my smallest hen, Goldie - an Easter Egger, so we got a little green tinted egg this morning. I am waiting for more each day. I tried something I had read yesterday, I fed them a can of moist dog food to up the protien level. I wonder if that is what got Goldie started - or was it just a coincicence. All my girls are an April hatch so I expect more to be laying SOON!
6:56
pm
keep talking to that rooster!
7:12
pm
Thanks for the story and bringing a smile to my face. I love your writing.
1:09
pm
Ha! This is my kind of humor! I’m definitely borrowing your idea for my little flock of slackards. Betty Crocker is the bedtime book of choice for tonight’s read aloud!
9:16
am
I think that was a wonderful story. I have never read to my chickens directly from the story book, but they have heard similar stories.
4:08
pm
That is genius. Thank you, I’m recovering from the flu and I REALLY needed a laugh today.
8:58
pm
Did it work? I have 50 hens and NOT A SINGLE EGG!!! I wrote about it on my blog… http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Petersonclan/591128/ .
I have actually recently heard (from an old timer) that chickens need layer mash, cracked corn, AND wheat in order to lay. I’ll try it. Until it is cool enough to butcher. Then if they don’t start laying, they go to the freezer!!!
8:52
am
Oh, goodness! I love your story! My friend sent me a link to it just now and it and your photos made me laugh aloud. What a delight — and how twisted. I think I need to send some people over your way. LOL
6:05
pm
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11:23
am
What a cute bedtime story! Hopefully it worked…
4:05
pm